


Forgive Me For Wanting

by 11dishwashers



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, byulyis in a band, singer!byulyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 04:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12161613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11dishwashers/pseuds/11dishwashers
Summary: Byulyi encounters the mundane yet again.





	Forgive Me For Wanting

The main thing about shows, was that they'd blind you after a while. Byulyi wasn't half good at seeing where she was going anyway, so this was a problem. She didn't have some huge fanbase, or paparazzi flocking her with flashes of cameraphones, but she did have the small stage and its small spotlights. Very small indeed- they weren't that far up, but they still shone on her as the rest of the band played along at a midtempo. She was the lead, after all.

  
The bar wasn't all that packed. There were a few regulars, with tattoo sleeves and pint glasses and folded sunglasses- then there were students who chattered through the entire set, and sometimes they whooped too. There were people on the verge of collapsing into drunk sleep, there were people picking other people up.  
There was Byulyi with her tall mic stand, to match her height. She took the microphone off it so she could feel it in her own hands- the cold plastic, the smoothness of the volume buttons. She wasn't that good technically, but her voice felt sweet in her throat.  
They had just released their first album. It wasn't all that good, the band knew, but it was enough to start off with. The lyrics were more like inside jokes and the cover was decided on within seconds. Byulyi loved it like a pet cat, because it annoyed her so much but she kept treating it nicely. Stage charisma had escaped her and she tried anyway- that was the purest form of admiration.

  
After the set, she left the stand up for the next singer and retired offstage. The cheering was halfhearted, though it was more a reflection of the crowd than the music. Everyone seemed preoccupied tonight. Still she had nothing to get back to doing.  
The dressing rooms were boxy and heaped all next to each other, and she was the only one who needed one- they dolled her up before every stage. When she looked in the mirror, it felt like she was looking at some sort of alien, her eyes were so dark and inhuman. She hated performing, really; the eye makeup remover stung through her cornea and her stubbly pink veins.

  
The car ride was silent. It was just Byulyi and the radio, turned to some sleeper hit station. She wasn't paying attention, all autopilot. The trees barely caught any of the headlights when she drove past them. She could've hit one so easily and no one would find out, she'd rot away in the drivers seat until her face grew onto the steering wheel with mould.  
The car hummed as it shut down outside the house. None of the lights were on, and Byulyi didn't bother changing that when she made for the bedroom. The double bed looked all floaty in her exhaustion, looked like a whole other room, unoccupied. She left all her clothes next to it and didn't bother to tidy them away, didn't bother with pyjamas. The sheets were so cold. It was always alienating to sleep in a big bed by yourself, even when it happened so frequently.

  
Byulyi woke up early the next morning, when the sky was grey like the outer layer of an egg yolk, and it was bright enough through the curtains that she could see Wheein curled up on the other side of the bed. Wheein never looked smaller- was wearing herself down to a corpse, chopping strip after strip of flesh off for some printer paper, until she looked like a spider or a skeleton or a child. Overworked and tired. Byulyi couldn't wake her, even though the only moments they shared were when she was asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write fluff.  
> -inspired by the song shut up kiss me  
> -inspired by the song the waiting by angel olsen  
> -i hate thi


End file.
